In the year -40,000, a young boy named Klamuchalacheytu was walking through the woods, looking for cashews. He found an apple, and ate it because he was hungry. Klamuchalacheytu found that the apple was actually drugged and he became high. He saw Santa Claus, though he did not know it was Old Saint Nick. In the end, Klamuchalacheytu wandered back to his village where he fell into a pit and broke his legs. He sat there for a millenia before being discovered by scientists. Surprisingly, he was still alive and was still a child.
"Oh my," Klamuchalacheytu said, "That was quite the amazing spectacle,."